Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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