Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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