she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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