my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
