I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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