Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
