You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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