Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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