my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
