I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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