Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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