What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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