dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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