..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
