Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
