So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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