He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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