I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
