Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
