I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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