i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
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I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
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After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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