Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
