I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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