Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
