If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize