youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
