youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
