omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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