He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Found your dick twin last night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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