i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
