Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
