areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
