Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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