I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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