What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
