he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
