Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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