that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
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you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
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PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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