I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
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dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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