my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
