Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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