She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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