I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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