I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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