we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
