Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
