did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
