Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
