Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize