that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
