I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
