i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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