my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
