she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
