Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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