The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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