I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
