I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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