fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
