I will die if light touches me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
