Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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