I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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