Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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