some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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