At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I need moral support for this bender
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
